When Pride Takes Over

I sit here at my desk as my two daughters nap, wondering why it is that I feel this heavy sense of Pride.

Why it seems to swallow me up and wrangle me around without a care in the world.

Why I badly just want to be close to Jesus but Pride is kicking me on the floor while I cry and feel weak.

Why I have worked hard for a long time wanting nothing to do with Pride.

Why I have tried to avoid sexual sin, pornography, excessive alcohol, gossip (Lord, help me!), anger, laziness in prayer...

Why I wanted to wear humility like a cloak that lay over me and protect me from the evils of the world.

Yet Pride still got in.

I am trying to DO all the right things. 

I'm trying to BE the right person that I feel I am called to be.

But Pride. He takes me before I can even say no.

And I want badly to go back to humility and to safety and to feeling like I am empty, so empty without my God.

Back to where I didn't look around and see all the things I want to be doing because I am entitled to do them or all the things I think I can do better than him or than her.

I want badly to go back to having a clear conscience of this Ugly Thing Called Pride.

Get behind me, Satan.

I want to see my Father.